Do you feel awkward talking to new people?
Ever wonder why some people can easily talk, joke and laugh with new people they just met?
How do you increase your charisma so that people will like you more?
If you have ever asked yourself these sort of questions before, fret not, because this is exactly the post for you.
By observing these 6 hacks, getting people to like you will be become a breeze.
#1 Send Positive Body Language
Making a good impression on others means people have to feel positively about you.
Imagine going on a first date with someone you fancy. You are aware of being evaluated.
You subconsciously try to impress your date with the things you say, by leaning forward, smiling and laughing more with the hope of turning the relationship into something more.
Its the same when meeting new people, the only difference is that you have to be consciously aware of your body language, how you are presenting yourself and reacting to the other party.
Here are some of the ‘universal’ dos and don’ts of making a good impression with your body language.
‘Do’s
‘Don’t Do’s
Make Eye Contact
Shifty Eyes
Firm Handshake
Limp/Weak Grip
Nod your head to show interest in the conversation
Stiff or no expression
Lean Forward
Relaxing back/Slouching
Crossed arms
Folded arms
Smile
Stiff or no expression
Talk at the same speed as your conversation partner
Talking too fast or too slow
#2 Ensure Reciprocity In a Conversation
However, trying too hard to impress someone might backfire if it comes across as being a showoff or a fake.
Using the dating analogy, pretend that you are guy going on a date with a girl.
You and your date starts talking about diving. Its a topic you know a lot because diving is your hobby.
You talk enthusiastically about diving because you are excited to share your knowledge and the experience of the dive trips you’ve been to.
Your date is a newbie and is currently learning to dive. She has limited experience in this area and has lesser things to contribute to the topic.
She smiles and nods her head attentively as she listens to you.
You feel good because you think she’s interested by the things you say and so you continue.
Or is it really?
Truth is, you are probably talking 80% of the time and are not giving much chance for the girl to talk.
There’s no reciprocity in the conversation. The girl probably feels that its all one-sided.
She might even think that you are a show-off and an inconsiderate person who thinks only himself.
Yet, you assumed she’s captivated.
This is a common mistake that most people make, and that is, talking too much about themselves.
It is not enough to make people feel positively about you, you have to make people feel good about themselves too.
This is the law of reciprocity.
So how exactly do you do that?
By asking more open questions and finding out something about them that is praiseworthy. Be curious about the person and get them to share their thoughts, feelings and emotions.
In the example above, the guy can draw out more from the girl by asking what makes her pick up diving.
Perhaps she is sick of having to snorkel all the time when she goes to a beach resort and wants to try something different. In this case, her adventurous spirit is commendable, so the guy can praise her for being an adventurous person.
If she can’t really swim, yet still go ahead with learning diving, then she’s probably a brave person and this is a trait that is praise worthy.
You see where I’m coming from?
When you give someone a chance to talk and make them feel good about themselves at the same time, chances are, you will leave a deep and lasting impression on that person.
#3 Maintain a 50-50 Conversation
Continuing from the point above, the extreme end of making people feel good about themselves is not to keep asking them questions and make them talk all the time while you remain pretty much silent.
Asking someone too many questions will come across as an interrogation, even though you might be genuinely interested in that person.
Not to mention that it is very tiring for the other party to keep talking without a break.
Besides, how do you expect to make people remember you when they seems to be talking to themselves and don’t even know a thing about you?
Let alone leaving a good impression.
A good conversation is all about giving and taking. You take in information about the other person by asking questions and then give out information by sharing things about yourself.
Make sure that there’s a fair balance between the taking and sharing. 50-50 is a good rule of thumb to abide.
#4 Banish All Negative Talk
When you meet someone for the first time, make sure to avoid any negative language or conversation, such as complaining about the weather or traffic, or talking about the stress that you are facing in your job or in your life.
Not that you can’t talk about these things, but there is an appropriate time and place for such discussions (usually with close friends or colleagues), and its definitely not with someone whom you just met!
If you start your conversation by framing it in a negative tone, you can spread negative energy unknowingly to the other person, which can sometimes spread faster than positive energy!
Do you use many negative vocabulary, such as boring, bland, disgusting, and embarrassing in your sentences?
Not that you can’t use these words. It depends on the context of your conversation and how you use them.
Of course, if you are telling a joke or a funny incident that somehow involves some negative aspects, then it’s appropriate to use these words to best describe the scenario.
In this case, the context is positive because you are entertaining someone and not pouring out your woes on the other party.
You may use this list as a reference on what are the negative vocabulary to avoid.
Know that the first meeting with someone new is always short and perhaps special.
Hence, we ought to be more generous socially by putting others’ needs before ours during that moment.
This puts you in a great light with others of being selfless and generous.
If you fail to do that, people might assume that you are an emo and draining person to be around, and that’s definitely an instant people repellant!
Interestingly, this is also known the mood quotient (MQ), and it has a great subconscious impact on people who don’t know you well enough yet.
So ask yourself, do you have high or low MQ?
In other words, are you displaying a positive or a negative mood in the first meeting?
#5 Use The ACEE Rule
By now, you might be wondering what kind of things are good to talk for a first meeting that will leave a positive impression on someone else.
A good rule of thumb is to follow the ACEE rule as below:
A – Appreciation
Find out something good or unique about the person whom you are having a conversation with, such as qualities that you can genuinely appreciate or praise him or her for. It can be on their style, unique hobbies or their accomplishment.
This is also briefly mentioned in point #2 about the diving example.
You can also listen to what the person is sharing and then ask them further questions on the same topic, like how do they feel about it, what do they do, or why do they do something and etc.
Open-ended questions like these (what/why/how) will encourage the person to talk more and will create the opportunities for them to reveal their positive side .
C – Connection
Connection is finding a common ground with the other party, such as sharing similar hobbies, experience, viewpoints or even knowing mutual friends.
Phrases like ‘I know how you feel’, ‘I totally agree with your point’ or ‘I’ve been to Japan too’ are usually used in the conversation.
When you share similarities, you are sending a ‘I’m like you’ signal to the other person. It makes them feel understood and that you are on their side.
E – Elevation
People are drawn light-hearted, entertaining, humorous and uplifting conversations that will create a positive experience.
This is related to point #4, where you banish all negative talk, which is the opposite end of elevation.
There are many ways you can elevate someone’s mood, such as smiling, being encouraging, speaking positively, injecting humor, sharing heart-warming stories etc.
E – Enlightenment
Sharing your enlightenment can make you come across as a more intellectual, stimulating and appealing person to hang around with.
People are naturally curious and like to learn new things.
You can share things like current affairs, interesting culture that you came across from your travels, facts, trival, statistics, ideas or even wisdom that you have gleaned from past experience.
When using ACEE, be sure to use them proportionately and appropriately according to the context of your conversation.
If you are on date, it’s best that you can use these four styles of conversation. However, if its a business networking session, perhaps connection and enlightenment might be more appropriate.
Be careful not to overdo any of these styles, or you come across as being fake.
Moderation is the key.
#6 Use their Name
Using someone’s name in a conversation can be a effective connection trigger.
It acknowledges the person’s unique identity and boosts his or her ego in a subtle way. If you are meeting someone for the first time, this can be even more powerful.
You see, people don’t normally remember names of new people they just met.
If you can get the person’s name during introduction and then use it at appropriate times during your initial conversation, chances are, you will leave a deep impression on that person.
This is also a common sales technique that skillful sales professionals use when trying to close a sale, which is why they usually try to get your name in the beginning and will always close the conversation with your name too.
The key is to weave their names into the conversation as naturally as possible.
For example, “John, I think you should try windsurfing, you will good at it since you are already good at surfing.” Or “Mary, can you imagine if your birthday falls on new year’s eve? People around the world will be celebrating with you!”
Bear in mind not to overdo it or you will come across as being manipulative.
Also, be sure observe the person’s expression and body language when you use their name.
While most people will react positively, some people might feel uncomfortable, tense or irritated for unknown reasons. You don’t want keep pushing that red button! If so, drop the name-calling, at least for the rest of the conversation.
Why Bother Impressing Others? I Am Who I Am…
You might ask, why are these important?
Sure, you might not want to impress everyone whom you met and you might even prefer to be different and not following ‘rules’ like everyone else.
No doubt it is a personal choice, learning how to leave a positive impression on others is really a life skill that can help you harness the power of connecting with people easily.
Once you get the hang of it, it becomes easier and almost automatic.
Making a good impression on others is not the same as maintaining a good relationship with someone. While the latter requires the mutual needs of both parties to be met, the former is usually about putting others’ needs first before our own.
Truth is, people often form an opinion about you based on limited or superficial information like your body language and conversation style.
Perhaps you are a shy person and don’t talk much to new people, but you may come across as a quiet, aloof or even anti-social person to the other party.
But in reality, you are actually a warm person who likes to connect with people.
How do you reconcile this?
By ensuring that the first impression you gave others matches with who you actually are, as accurately as possible.
Creating the right first impression will help you synchronise your inner self with your outer self, so that you appear more real and genuine to others.
With these, you are now left with a choice. You can either choose to make positive changes or remain unchanged.
Well, I sincerely hope you will choose the latter!