People tend to associate elegance with good dress sense and social status. This is a total myth because it takes more than looking good and stylish to be really elegant. In fact, it has nothing to do with wealth or status. The core of elegance is in a lady’s behavior and manners, especially how she relates to people around her in public. Elegance is not something that people are born with and only belong to the elites. Any female can become a woman of elegance, if she choose to learn the techniques and apply it on everyday life. Here’s 3 keys to becoming one.
1) The Ability To Empathize
Elegance is not derived from superiority or being important. Rather, it’s about making others feel important and showing empathy. Think of some the famous women of elegance and I believe icons like Princess Diana, Grace Kelly, Audrey Hepburn or even women of our times like Michelle Obama and Kate Middleton come into mind. Not only are these women uber stylish, they have one thing in common, and that is being relatable.
Think about it. Princess Diana is coined as the ‘People’s Princess’, Michelle Obama and Kate Middleton are women who aren’t afraid to break status quo and have no qualms buying cheaper high street wear or wearing something from unknown brands. Grace Kelly and Audrey Hepburn are both active advocates for social causes that they are passionate about. Grace established Princess Grace foundation to support local artisans in Monaco and Audrey was an ambassador for UNICEF.
These women don’t see themselves as high and mighty divas who deserve the finest things and treatment in life, although they are very well qualified. This why people love them so much, and for some, their legacy lives on even after their deaths.
The ability to empathize is a subset of humility. Learn to be humble, and work to maintain it, especially so when your net worth increases.
2) Stay Happy
This one is tough. I mean happiness is such a wide topic that there’s literally thousands of books in the market just talking about this subject. Truth is, if you are not feeling happy and is constantly pessimistic, chances are you not going to be smiling often (and I mean genuine smiles), lend a hand to others in need or simply able to relate to others and have a great conversation with people.
Now I know you might have heard this umpteen times, but happiness is truly a choice. It has nothing to do with your financial status or even relationship status. A woman can be single for the longest time and still be happy, a married couple can be struggling financially but still be in a loving, happy marriage.
It’s all about your expectations on what happiness mean to you. If you think you need to be rich to be happy, then you are likely to overlook the simple and non-tangible pleasures of life, such as a good walk in the park with your loved ones, the beautiful sunset and a baby’s hearty laughter, which cost nothing at all.
Learning to be content and living in the present moment is probably the best way to do yourself a favor. Whoever said you have to follow the world’s standards of happiness?
Truth is, you can define your own happiness and success, it all comes from within. Life is all about learning to be happy in the midst of imperfections. Only then, can your natural charm and elegance start to develop and ‘infect’ others around you.
Some ways to learn happiness is to serve others who are in less advantaged situation than you. Volunteer in soup kitchens, mentoring poor kids or befriending lonely elderly will be a good start. Surrounding yourself with positive people through like-minded interest groups, reading self-help books on developing positive thoughts or even connecting with God and being part of a spiritual/religious community can all help to nourish your mental well-being.
3) Be Confident
Ever seen an elegant woman with no confidence? Hardly.
Self-confidence is a wonderful thing that every aspiring elegant woman should have. It is not about over-estimating our abilities to the extent that we become boastful, or being so assured of our capabilities and talents that we become proud. It’s about loving ourselves and knowing our worth, despite our short-comings and imperfections.
No one is perfect in this world, every confident person that you come across have areas in their lives that they are far from excellence. A lady who has great fashion sense might be terrible in singing. A gentleman who is great in public speaking might be of a short stature. A shy girl who isn’t into socializing might be talented in making beautiful jewelries and so on.
Point is, God has given every human being unique gifts and talents. There are no two person who are exactly alike in this world. If you are not feeling confident because you aren’t on par with your peers financially, or not as pretty as that girl in your school or office, then you are getting your confidence from other people, or from the society you are in. We all have unique qualities. It is pointless to compare ourselves with others, or try to achieve what others have when we aren’t even aware of what lies inside of us.
Set yourself on a self-discovery journey, take up classes to learn the things you are interested in, pursue your dreams and hobbies. When you discover your strengths and talents and are aware of the value you have (or even bringing it to the world by teaching others), you will radiate with confidence inside out.
And if you have to do something that you aren’t good at, you are likely to have the courage to attempt it, or at most laugh at your own mistakes and boo-boo if it turns out to be a failed attempt.
When you are confident inside, it shows on the outside, especially on your posture and body language. Just imagine, upright chest vs. droopy shoulders, relax posture vs shrunken posture, hearty laugh/smile vs forced smile and head lifted vs. head looking down. All these symbolize the opposites of confidence. Which side will you rather be on?
Final Note…
So there you go, the 3 foundational keys to becoming elegant have nothing to do with appearance. You see, it’s possible that a woman without these qualities can be perceived as elegant, but this is often superficial and very hard to sustain for long.
True women of elegance and classiness have great reputation of being humble, happy and confident, not just stylish alone. In fact, you hardly see anyone with bad reputation making it into the list, no matter what they wore.
Strive to be a woman of authentic elegance and class, not a fake one.