‘All things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.’ ~ Romans 8:28

Have you ever felt like some things that you are doing now or certain things that you did in the past are all a complete waste of time, out of foolishness and will amount to nothing?

Perhaps some undesirable things happened in the past that caused so much regrets, hurt, shame and guilt that we are still affected by it till now. Maybe we rather just leave it all behind, suppress it in one corner of our brain and try not think about it anymore?

Or perhaps we might have already forgotten the things that happened or what we did in the past and just move on with life.

So the past became lost time and was simply just ‘the past’. The end.

I once lived with this view too, until I hear about this phrase “Everything happens for a reason”. Essentially, it means there is a ‘divine’ reason for everything that happened in our lives that when we looked back later on, everything will be clear to us on hindsight.

I thought it was a refreshing and comforting way of seeing life, until I came to know God. The words from Roman 8:28 suddenly rang a bell in me and I could relate the meaning behind why everything happens for a reason.

The ‘divine’ is not just an airy fairy concept or ‘the universe’. It is referring to the one and only, true and living God that makes all things work out in our lives, for our good. He is our creator and all the days of our life are written in his book before we are even born (Psalm 139:16).

This means nothing happens by chance and God can use all things in our life – the good, the bad and the ugly – for our good and for his glory if we believe him.

6 years ago, I was a Christian and was young in the faith for about two years. It was a tumultuous period of my life, as I was dealing with quarter-life crisis and had lots of questions and doubts. It was also 5 years after my graduation where I had job-hopped a bit and was very uncertain about where I was heading.

I struggled big time about the direction in my career, life and future in general, about why I had views and thoughts that were so ‘different’ from my peers, about my identity and meaning of everything, and about why I was the way I was.

In short, things were not going well in my career. I was caught up between pursuing my financial dreams and ideal lifestyle versus working for the sake of money. It didn’t turn out the way I want to and my career and social life were jeopardized. I also didn’t have much success with relationships and I couldn’t understand why.

Then one day, while I was in my room and wallowing in my own misery, I couldn’t take it any longer and decided to just let go and let God. I wanted to talk to God, but instead of praying, I sat down in my front my PC, pretended that I’m God and wrote a letter to myself in the form of a blog post.

As the years pass by, I forgot about my old blog and the letter that I wrote. It’s only today when I was having a conversation about life with a younger colleague that I was reminded about my old blog. Reading up on the old me was like a ‘back to the future’ experience for me.

As I read through my old posts, a lot of memories came back. A lot had changed in me and for me since then, mostly for the better.

As I take stock of where I am now and where I was last time, all I can say I’ve been really blessed and that God is good. Indeed, he takes care of us and will not forsake us. God never leave us where we are and is always helping us to move up in life, always planning a great future and hope for us.

Looking back now, I don’t know what got into me at that time to write this letter (and all the other posts). I am kind of surprised that I actually wrote quite a lot of posts about my struggles and learnings from the books that I once read (I forgot I read these books too!).

I didn’t even realized I can write ‘this well’ back then (I thought I can’t write at all). Thus, this is really a good example of how we can be so good at forgetting things.

But God never forgets.

He brings these things up at the right time, to encourage me and to affirm his love. He knew I will be reading these things 6 years from now and so he inspired me to write these back then. Nothing is wasted and nothing happens by chance. He knew that I will have hindsight later on and can understand why certain things have to happen.

While there are some things that I still don’t have answers to, I have learned to let go and let God, letting God’s peace be my guide even if I don’t understand.

Here, I will like to share this letter that I wrote 6 years back. It brought tears to my eyes as I read it again.

I hope it will encourage you in your faith, as much as it does for me.

Conversations With GOD…

Dear child…

You have many questions about your life – why you are here, why you are in these circumstances, why you have such characteristics, why certain things happened, why it is so difficult, what is your purpose and destiny, how will the future be…

You might not find an answer from me to every question and even with answers, they are not easily comprehensible. However, I still want to leave these in you heart:

You are not a chance encounter, I have put you here for a reason. You are meant to have a great destiny and fulfilling life. I have given you a unique blend of characteristics, personality, attributes and talents that sets you apart from the rest. Do not compare yourself to others my dear, for everyone is unique, what you are set out to accomplish in this life is different from anyone and can only be fulfilled by you. Your personality and characteristics exist because they are the tools needed to fulfill it.

You are who you are because it is meant to be so in the beginning, so love and accept yourself with joy. You are called to be independent because soon you will realize you need this as you walk the narrow path with me. Your childhood, family, upbringing and moral values are not by chance, for I have it planned it before you are born. I have already start leading you even if you have not known me yet.

I have watched over your thoughts and response to love & relationships from the beginning till now, and I am overjoyed that you are making good progress. The world might frown upon you, but in my eyes these are the greatest thing that can happen and I will always make you free and pure. With me in you, you are no longer hard-hearted and incapable of love. In time to come you will realize that because you didn’t comprise on the standards that I placed innately in you, you will experience beautiful things that is beyond your expectation and understanding.

You have to understand that sometimes your prayers do not get answered because I want to give you a big surprise when it does happen, especially when you least expect it. Sometimes it is because you are not ready yet and I still need to nurture you a bit more so that you will not get hurt. Patience might be difficult but all you need to do is to put your trust in me and worked together with me, soon you will realized everything is worth the wait!

My spirit is always inside you but it remained dormant in the past, always watching over you silently from behind and trying to befriend you. I start to get active when you finally know me, because I want to be your adviser and companion whenever and wherever you go. When you call upon me, you will hear my voice and never will you be alone and feel lonely again. When trouble comes and difficulties arise, I will support you and help you get through it, you don’t have to walk alone.

Know that I will never leave and forsake you my dearest, even in worst times or even if you turn away from me. This is because you are my son Jesus’s dear one, anyone who is dear to him will be dear to me like my own sons and daughters. So know that I only want the best for you. When you are experiencing fears, hopelessness, confusion and difficulties, know that I am already laying out path for you to redeem you out of these traps, so you must endure for the time being and just keep on trusting me.

Remember my words, for when you looked back many years from now, you will realize that these things that I said today will come to pass. You might not understand what is going on or what exactly will happen, for these things are hard to explain but if you believe in me, you will see everything for yourself. It will be a joyous moment and there will be tears in your eyes, love, happiness and gratitude in your chest.

Yes, life can be good! Always remember these words my dearest, don’t ever forget…

With lots of love,
Your heavenly father, GOD