What does it takes to be a confident woman? I mean the real kind of unshakeable confidence.
While having a good posture, a strong voice projection, good eye contact or a firm handshake are good ways to project confidence, these are only on surface level. It is often through our conversation with others will our real confidence then start to project onto others.
For example, have you ever had a conversation with someone that is all about their achievement, full of whining, complains or gossips that just leave you exhausted and not feeling that great?
I bet you had, many even a tad too many. Perhaps you just might be this person sometimes and you are not even aware. A confident person is someone who brings ‘life’ and not ‘death’ to others. It is less about themselves, and more about connecting and relating to others.
A confident person shouldn’t be proud. If it’s all about themselves, that is mostly coming from their pride and ego, a facade that they wear to display what they want to show to the world, and not their genuine self.
Let’s look at how we can recognise a real confident woman and what are some of the key traits and attitudes they usually have.
Inner traits and attitudes of a confident woman
1) They don’t compare themselves with others.
A true confident woman does not play the comparison game with other woman, knowing that this opens the doorway to pride, jealousy, envy and insecurity that are unnecessary. It might even lead us down a destructive path and never ending vicious cycle of feeling lousy, striving for perfectionism and competing with others just to get attention and feeling better about ourselves.
On the contrary, comparing yourself with others is a sign of deep-rooted insecurity and low self-esteem. It could stem from your childhood that got carried forward into your adulthood gradually without you even realising it.
“I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.”
Psalm 139:14 (NIV)
God made everyone of us unique, we all have a combination of unique gifts, talents and abilities that nobody else has.
Maybe you are an excellent cook with exceptional culinary skills, and the person you are comparing with is really good at decorating her home and making it welcoming, but not quite good with making delicious food. Instead of comparing ourselves with others, it is better to focus and work on what we do have and compliment or encourage those who are working on their talent.
This will even help make you a good friend. Perhaps there might be a day where you can call on your talented friend for help to set the ambience at your home for a gathering where you are gonna whip up a delicious feast for your guests.
See how it is meant to be a complement, not a competition?
In short, don’t fall into the trap of unhealthy comparison with others. Start reflecting inward and see what God has already gifted and placed inside of you. These are uniquely yours and meant to be cultivated. When you start developing and using the abilities and gifts that you already have, people will respond positively to it naturally. You will feel good on the inside, and soon confidence and peace will start to follow you.
God has a defined plan and purpose for everyone of us to be unique. We are all called to live an original life and not die a copy cat.
2) They are genuine and don’t put up a perfect front
True genuineness is rare quality, especially in this day and age where social media has infiltrated our lives. It can be hard to discern if what we see and read about others online is what they are like in reality.
There is a real issue happening in our society today, where people are going for ‘perfectionism’. They only want to show the best and the most curated side of themselves while hiding away their weaknesses and vulnerability behind their polished exterior.
This is especially true for many popular celebrities, instagrammers and Youtube influencers who feel that they have to constantly publish picture perfect posts and videos in order to maintain their social image and build up their following. However, in reality they are struggling big time with insecurities, discontentment and even depression, because they are equating self acceptance with likes, comments and shares. If they don’t get the attention, they feel unloved. Just read this article and you will see that this is trap that many have fallen prey to.
While someone like that may look good on the outside and might give people the impression that she is a confident person. This kind of confidence is actually pride and insecurity in disguise – a counterfeit in other words.
True confidence comes from knowing and owning your self-worth despite what others say. It is not dictated by social media or strangers who know nothing about us and our background.
Another downside with people walking around with a ‘perfect’ facade is that will have problem building genuine and lasting friendships, because they can only connect with others on a superficial and surface level. They probably have very few or even no true friends.
True authentic connection with others is being relatable to others. It is our ability to empathise with others by engaging in deeper conversations in an open or even vulnerable state by talking about our mistakes, weaknesses and struggles. It is not with the intention to whine and complain, but to share our journey with others on how are coping, learning and overcoming.
It can even be the other way round where we might hear their stories on how they had overcome, and we get encouraged instead. Remember, nobody is perfect. It will be very unrealistic if you have no weaknesses to show!
When you are open to others, others will open up to you too. This can only happen from a place of true confidence and security where you feel totally at ease in having such conversations.
The truth is true confidence is an inner quality. It is not based on the external or our circumstances, no matter how bad things may look on the surface. It is an sustained inner peace, something that only God our maker can provide. It is not self-focused but God-focused. It is about internalising what God thinks and says about us.
Consider what God will do for you:
Since he did not spare even his own Son for us but gave him up for us all, won’t he also surely give us everything else? Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? Will God? No! He is the one who has forgiven us and given us right standing with himself.
Romans 8:32-33 (TLB)
We are so precious to God that He has to sacrifice His son on the cross, so that we may know Him and receive all that He has prepared for us to live a a fulfilling and abundant life in our lifetime, even before we are born.
Do not blindly copy and follow others, as it will lead to path of un-fulfilment, worry and anxiety in the long run. These are minefields that will blow up our confidence. We are all an original masterpiece created by Him. He wants us to live the original way that He created us for, not clones and copycats of others. Seek Him out on this.
Hopefully by now, you are able to see true confidence in a new light. Anyone can boost or fake confidence, but the real test lies in whether they are sustainable. When we place our confidence in the external where things can be fleeting and unpredictable, we are placing our self-worth and value to things that might be here today but gone tomorrow (maybe FB and IG will fade away someday, so what’s next?).
Being confident involves knowing who you are and being assured of your uniqueness. This is possible by having a relationship with Jesus who will reveal all things that God has for you. If you don’t know Jesus, I highly recommend that you consider inviting Him into your life to help you. If you are ready, head over to this page.
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